you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
