I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
