I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
