your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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