You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
