Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
