I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
