But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
