but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
