we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
