People in love make me want to vomit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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