Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
