i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
