Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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