So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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