I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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