That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
