Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
