the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
