Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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