Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
