the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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