OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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