Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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