I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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