i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
