you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize