Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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