I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
