I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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