worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
