Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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