i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
