I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
