You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
