My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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