I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
