Yo dont text me then not text me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
