I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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