brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
