In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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