Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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