Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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