i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
