M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
