My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
