if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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