What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
