so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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