I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
