Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
