it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize