There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
