i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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