Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
