Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I forget how to act sober
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