i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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