apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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