forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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