My Higher Power is John Stamos
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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