Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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