I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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