very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
