I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
