he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
