my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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