I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize