A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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