Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
operation harelip BJ is a go
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
