You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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