It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
